Parental alienation is a heartbreaking and complex form of psychological manipulation, and one of the most painful aspects for targeted parents is realizing that their child truly believes they are rejecting them by choice. In reality, this “choice” is carefully orchestrated by the alienating parent, who has spent months or even years distorting the child’s perception of the rejected parent.

The Illusion of Encouragement

One of the most insidious tactics of an alienating parent is to publicly “encourage” the child to have a relationship with the rejected parent—after they have already instilled deep-seated fear, resentment, or distrust. Once the false narrative has taken root, the alienating parent no longer has to interfere directly. Instead, they can step back and say, “You can see your mom/dad anytime you want.”

This gives the child the illusion of autonomy while reinforcing their belief that they are rejecting their parent of their own free will. Statements like:

“I just don’t feel comfortable. It’s my choice.”

“My mom/dad encourages me to see you. It’s not them, it’s me.”

..…These are not the words of a child making an independent decision. They are the words of a child trapped in a loyalty bind—a child who has been conditioned to believe that their survival and sense of belonging depend on rejecting one of their parents.

Your Child Loves You—Even If They Can’t Show It

For alienated parents, the pain of rejection can feel unbearable. It’s easy to internalize the alienating parent’s false narrative and start believing that you’ve done something wrong or that your child truly doesn’t love you. Please don’t fall into that mindset.

The truth is, your child loves you. They want so badly to have a relationship with you. They are simply being emotionally held hostage by the alienating parent, who has made them believe that rejecting you is the only way to secure love, approval, and emotional safety.

Some children are even forced to:

• Pretend that a step-parent is their “real” parent
• Tell the alienating parent that they love them more
• Say they don’t want to see their authentic parent—even when, deep down, they do

They do this not because they want to, but because they feel like they have no other option.

The Narcissistic Parent’s Endgame: Breaking You

An alienating parent, particularly one with narcissistic tendencies, does not care about their child’s emotional well-being. Their goal is control—over you, over the child, and over the narrative. They will do everything in their power to make you feel like your child doesn’t love you, that you are unworthy, and that your presence in your child’s life is unnecessary.

This is the real tragedy of parental alienation: it weaponizes the child, turning them into both a victim and a tool for emotional abuse.

Stay Strong—Your Child Needs You

If you are an alienated parent, please remember this:

• You are the authentic parent.
• You are the safe parent.
• Your child loves you, even if they can’t express it right now.

I know it hurts. I know it feels impossible some days. But your child needs you to stay strong. They need you to keep showing up, keep loving them unconditionally, and keep reminding them—even from a distance—that you are always there.

Parental alienation is a battle fought in the shadows, but the truth has a way of coming to light. Stay patient, stay hopeful, and never stop believing in the bond you share with your child. Because no amount of manipulation can truly erase a parent’s love.

To all the parents out there who are hurting: you are not alone. Sending you strength, love, and hope.